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From April 2010 to April 2011, I lived in an apartment complex called “Continental Apartments.” The place is, to put it mildly, a dump. I had excellent neighbors, but the apartment itself was really the worst. I compiled a short (and still incomplete) list of everything that was wrong with the apartment:
[Show List] [Hide List]
1. BB gun bullets in the walls
2. Plugs fall out of outlets
3. The couches were…disgusting
4. There were a set of irreparable closet doors in our hallway
5. All the window screens but one were broken
6. No A/C
7. The hot water went out for weeks
8. My mattress = worst thing ever
9. Water leaked from the ceiling
10. Small, weak fridge with terrible/tiny in-fridge freezer
11. The door wouldn’t stay closed
12. At one point, the door wouldn’t open, so we were stuck inside
13. Not enough spaces in the parking lot = usually park on the street
14. Still had to pay for a parking pass
15. The internet was slow and sporadic
16. Three closets for a two-person bedroom
17. One chair for a two-person bedroom
18. The blinds were broken
19. The carpet was old and decrepit
20. Painted walls above the shower so removing mold removes paint
21. Bathroom fan sounded like a garbage truck
22. Light bulbs = your expense
23. The door unlocks from the outside if you twist hard enough
24. Clogged sink
25. Really low mirrors
26. The cable went out for months
27. We were fined for not paying money we didn’t owe
28. Parking pass expires in August, meaning I had to buy two
29. Water leaked through the walls, causing our fridge to blow out
30. Paper-thin walls
But yeah. Anyways, I wrote this song a while back, but decided to forgive them and not post the song. But then I got my deposit refund back and discovered that my $200 deposit had magically turned into a $40 return in an epic Continental-style money grab. They even charged me for the envelope and stamp I provided for them! Nice. Real nice.
So, I hope you enjoy this rock ballad about an apartment complex that hurt me so.
Lyrics: [Show] [Hide]
I know a place where nothing’s as it seems
Where I get stabbed every night while having frigid dreams
And hot water has no heat
And I hear my neighbor breathing through the wall
I’m trying to stay cool, but I’m having fits again
Because the internet is on the fritz again
And I can’t charge my phone
‘Cause the charger chord just won’t stay in the wall
Continental
What is the problem
With you?
Continental
Why have you gotten
Confused
You’re breakin’ my heart
You’re falling apart
The fridge blew up after making a weird noise
But it was always too small for four growing college boys
Who on earth lived here before?
I can still see bullet holes inside the walls |
Continental
What is the problem
With you
Continental
Why have you gotten
Confused
You’re breakin’ my heart
You’re falling apart
And I can’t see my face inside a mirror that’s so low
25 dollars for a space but there is nowhere left to go
But I don’t wanna be alone again
No I don’t wanna be alone again
No I don’t wanna be alone
The door flies open, then it’s permanently closed
I thought this place would be great, but I got totally hosed
Now don’t you be surprised
But if I were you then I’d tear down these walls!
Continental
What is the problem with you
Continental
Why have you gotten confused
You’re breakin’ my heart
You’re falling apart |
My, it has been a long time.